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I wonder if anyone really reads long stuff from the Big ‘n Clever Issues except for the juicy and interesting ones but I am one of those few who painstakingly reads almost all articles posted.

And now I’ve a got a turn to write something here. I had it in my mind to write something short and interesting to keep you on your toes yet, no matter how I long to keep this short, I just can’t. Unless if I’ll state what I have to say in bullet form. So let me have my hand at keeping you entertained if not informed with this article. Created equally so to speak, endowed with the same capabilities all humans have. Yet at a change of an angle could significantly alter ones perspective.

Circumstances, with which we are in, are perceived by our wits as being good or bad. Yet, conditioning our brains to respond to a certain stimulus could also affect the way we see things. Maybe the cliché that goes like “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is a rule derived from the diversity of ones viewpoint. Yet pardon me, I’d rather not delve much into this saying but expound on another one more relevant. I stumbled upon a quote one day which says: "Your difficulty is not contained, primarily, in the situation which gave rise to it, but in the mental state with which you regard that situation and which you bring to bear upon it." (Byways of Blessedness) As a child, our views of situations are simplified versions. No gray areas just a plain aye’s or naye’s will do. Life then was pretty much institutionalized and sanitized to fit the way we see things. I am a bit grateful for that.

Alas! It was an insufficient training me for the future decision makings I have not seen coming along my way. I had the false bravado that I could tackle whatever may come my way, head on. Sadly, that was just it – false bravado. I tend to see things in an uncomplicated way, had not allotted special amounts of thinking on crucial situations that needed my decisions but simply said yes or no right away.

Although I can see myself as an intellectual, having relied on scholarships as my educational plan from elementary years ‘till college and even sustained myself through living allowances which came as part of my scholarships, I can fairly say that I can be categorized as just one of the lucky few who passed the exams. Yet this alone has never guaranteed me a safe passage towards the realities of making decisions, of handling emotions, imperfections and failures. I had a sheltered view of things. I often wondered if I’ll be more suited to the life of the rich and pampered. Or would I just continue to live with my parents. Then, I would not have to worry about anything but just leave the decision makings to my mother or whoever is in charge.

Well, I opted to live by myself at the age of 20. Away from my parents and family and lived on my own money and confidently equipped with my bravado. No matter how false it was, I was determined to tackle everything head on without even pausing to think about potential disasters my actions would entail. Now, after two years of living with the after effects of the detrimental decisions I have incurred during some of the not-so-good years and living with the idea of my imperfections, I can say that I am doing quite well. If were still a college student, I might have viewed myself as a mess and ended up despairing and possibly wasted all the remnants of what I have.

Now, even if I can say that I am not yet the best person there is, I have changed and turned towards a better direction -- Hopeful and delighted of the possibilities that will still be coming. I owe this new outlook in life to the person who accepted me beyond my flaws and have seen me in a different light. His different view of me has changed the way I see myself. He has given me a new direction and a new attitude. Gone are the gray clouds at the end of my horizon and replaced with a new hope to rise and shine again.

If there is one word I can describe this person is that he has been sent to be my angel here on earth and I will be forever thankful for that. His reactions to my failures and mistakes have healed the hurt and grudge that I had for myself. He conditioned my thinking that I’ll never be perfect but can only aim to be. He has changed my mental and emotional perception of things, to aim towards perfection but humbly chastise myself if ever make one. He has taught me that imperfections are meant to be dealt with and accepted humbly and can only serve as a lesson and nothing more.

I am surprised that it could only take a different perspective and an unconditional acceptance to heal and erase the mistakes of the past or even of the present and to inspire a person to renew his/her mental state of distinguishing things and acting on it positively. I now benefit from the newfound knowledge that I could never change circumstances, may they be positive or negative. But I could always give it a little twist and make the negative, positive and the positive, a little bit more positive.

I can now confidently say “It’s only a matter of positive thinking!”
Gina Capatar
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