I'm not perfect! And I know no matter how hard I'll try I'll never be. It's my imperfectness that made me the perfect me. I thought you would accept that. I thought you knew that. I thought I was good enough for you. Bu I wasn't! And no matter how I work to death to earn your acceptance, I never will...
I know I'm not a daughter every parent would wish to have. Though I strive to be one, I know my efforts are useless. .. but I know I did become better [please don't deny this fact]. But you never noticed... you never cared! You were too busy eyeing on my mistakes you never had a chance to see that the rest of me has something good to offer. Pity, you never had a chance to get to know who your "real" daughter is. You never had the chance to get to know the "real" me.
To you, I was nothing but a brat, who hasn't and never will be able to do something good in her life. And thinking that I don't have a mind of my own, you made me a mere robot following your directions in this so -called life.
A puppet. That was what I was and probably that's what I still am right now! But if before its only you who was heard this time I'm gonna make sure I know what I want ,.. This is my life... I want to be in control... I don't wanna be a mere passenger while you drive... This is my life and I want to live it!
As a young child I had longed for the caress of a parent... but where are you? YOu are too busy with your work or with your friends or with your numerous organizations or worse, you're here but you're damn tired to make me notice your presence... I never had the chance to demand your attention, your love... who Am I anyway? I am just a child... a by-product of the intense emotions you felt for each other 15 years ago... The intense emotions which is now starting to fade [or was it already faded]
All my life, I spent endless hours asking why you had to fight! You argue about everything! You grab every opportunity to pick a fight! Even in the eyes of your children! of the children you've been given full responsibility of... of the children who you should love and care for..
But you defined love as being able to give worldy things... being able to provide things that we need and things that we want... I never wanted an atm machine as a parent! I need a mother... a mother who'll allay me with my fears... a mom who'll calm me and help me ease the pain after every fall... I need a father! a dad from whom I can get the courage I need to face the troubles in this life... I need you... more than anything else in this world...
So maybe you love me and you just don't know how to express it... then please don't blame me for not being expressive either! Maybe you have a lot of problems too.. but you have all the time in the world can't you leave even just a moment for us?!?! Can't you have time for a simple how-are-you talks? I don't intend to bombard you with problems... I just want to feel your concern... Is that a lot to ask?
You work to give us what you need and what you want but money can never provide the greatest thing that a child needs.
You had been constantly fighting. You never ceased arguing. You're always eyeing for each other's shortcomings... Remember the solemn vow you made in the altar? you looked so happy in your wedding pictures... but pictures can be very tricky... they can be mere illusions... now I'm starting to think that maybe you weren't really happy on your wedding day or that maybe you just got carried away with your naive emotions and impulsive actions... [sigh!} I hope I'm wrong... I really hope I am..
When Pandora opened the box Mercury left them, even after all the warnings of Epimetheus, she let the monsters escape. And probably one of this dark-winged creatures is the cause of all the troubles in my family... Yet in that same box, a beautiful winged creature emerged. And as the dark-winged creatures carried the promise of troubles and chaos, the last creature that came up, that beautiful winged-creature carried the promise of a brighter day! And though the world continues to doubt his existence, I never did! After all, he's the only one I can count on... his name? Everybody knows his name... he's called HOPE..