The thought of what it takes to be a grown-up has been bothering me lately. Does it really have something to do with age or is there really such thing as a standard or requirements in becoming a grown-up.
I have been so much blessed to be surrounded by people who cares for me. By people who are concern about how i can live life in such a way that i won't have to pass through plenty of hardships or difficulties. By people who will forever watch over me and pick me up each time i fall.
Believe me, a "thank you" aren't just enough to express how grateful i am to have these people--my family and friends. But sometimes i come to a certain point of wondering have i proven to them that i am a kid no more but instead a grown-up. A lady that can stand on her own feet. A woman who have her own way of pursuing her dreams.
I know that i have gained my parents' trust. Though there have been times when i did question such. But likewise, through the years i have proven myself wrong 'coz now i have fully understand why they have done some things that i thought rooted from their not believing in my decisions.
They have been supportive instead in all my undertakings. They are always been the shoulders i run to when i felt i have lost everything else. I now understand that i cannot take away from them their being protective of me. What seems to be causing doubts before is now perfectly fine with me 'coz these gestures tell me how loved i am.
I have been gifted with friends who do not only accompany me during good times but who are always there when i am at my lowest. I must admit that i am unfair to them. They share to me their laughters including pains. It has always been my pride to be of help to them.
I am being used to hearing stories than my story being heard. I believe that i am a listener more than a speaker. And i like being this way. You might be concluding that i am selfish. But its not the way you think. I can say that i am never fair to some if not all of my friends. But inspite of this, am glad they have stayed with me and appreciate the being me.
Sometimes i think that maybe they have stayed because they see the real me. Its not that i don't want to open up. It is just i have a hard time uttering the words to express how i feel. id rather forget and i am comfortable that way.
I do want to keep my private life, private. I guess this explains why. There has been times when i was hurt by friends who feel they have to do things for me. Maybe because i was too silent about issues that they felt something has to be done. And might as well take the initiative to do it on my behalf..
Though i admittedly felt bad about it because i feel my privacy was invaded. Still, i appreciated everything they have done. One thing that also haunts me is that probably they think am not a grown-up and therefore i needed someone to protect me.
But please am getting confused. How should i let them know i can do things myself. That i have a mind of my own. And i can stand for whatever i believe is right. Know what sometimes i just want to shout to the whole world that i am no longer the young girl they used to know. But now a lady of principle and faith. A woman with passion for freedom and drive to make life worth living.
All these years, the pain i have gone through without their knowing has made me who i am right now. The experience of going through trials all alone has made me stronger and it allowed me to be independent. It made me realize that there is no other person to heIp you no matter how plenty of friends you've got but yourself.
I am now a grown-up..a grown-up...a grown-up and nothing but a grown-up!!!