You are reading this article because you are one of those rare people who really want the best life possible for yourself and those you care about.
A Generalization About Success
Now, you might feel it unfair for me to describe you as “rare” when it comes to wanting the very best that life offers. And yet, for well over twenty-one years I have been in the position of professionally helping people to change their lives for the better. Whether in the past working as a “Psychotherapist,” or now as a “Life and Business Coach,” I have clearly seen that there are those who want things to get better-- if it does not require “too much” from them…and then there are those who are willing to design, and actually do the work, of building a life that is rarely seen or experienced! To be sure, these are generalizations, and in my experience, fair ones.
Yes, there are many factors that go into how and why some people succeed on levels that others reach for and never seem to grasp. For instance, skills are important. Before you learned the fundamentals of riding your bike, you could not ride your bike, for all practical purposes. And, now that we are thinking about it, what actually got you up on your bike for that first thrill of a ride?
Your Desire Is The Place To Start
Was it not a desire that reached a point where you began to build in the necessary skills to actually riding a bike? Meaning, you found yourself wanting to learn something that would be rewarding in and of itself, and more than that, the thrill and independence of taking yourself where you wanted to go. Wanting it enough that you took the next step of acquiring skill and practice in your new endeavor. No longer were you just a little kid anymore! You took a step into owning your world at that time! No longer did you have to just stand by and watch others doing what they wanted to do, and going where they wanted to go! No longer did you have to watch someone else disappear around the block, waving to you with glee as they picked up speed. Remember the “Look Ma, no hands!” That’s right! Mastery on a whole new level. And what fun!
Myths About Life and Success
Now who said that life is difficult? I believe it was a certain psychiatrist…who was finding his own life difficult…and projected that onto the rest of humanity! And I fell for that at the time! I bought his book when it arrived on the scene a little over 25 years ago, and I bought the writers beliefs about life being difficult. Beliefs about how difficult it would be for me to change my behaviors, my beliefs, and beliefs about how long it would take for me to get what I most wanted. After all, “change is difficult,” according to most “people helpers.” I never stopped to ask, “whose life is difficult?” “When is life difficult for them?” “How might they themselves be making their own lives difficult?” “Where did they learn to do that?” “From whom?”
You, Success and Learning
That is until I learned otherwise. Until I realized that life is all about learning, and that learning can be fun and easy. And what do you think happened when I really understood that all behavior is learned. Period. And the more we learn useful behaviors, useful skills, useful beliefs and values, the easier “life” becomes. The more “flow” we experience. So, who do you want to listen to? Who do you want to model? Someone who learned somewhere along the way to make their life difficult, or someone who learned how to design and build the life they truly desire, having fun along the way?
The unfortunate thing is that learning to make life less than fun and easy is something that most people learn to do unconsciously, on an ongoing basis. They are simply modeling those around them that have learned how to make their life into something they did not want in the first place. This is quite unintentional, for the most part, with all concerned.
Intentions, Choices and Consequences
Remember that consequences do not concern themselves with intentions, good or otherwise. Consequences are built into each choice we make, each behavior pattern we develop. To change the consequences we experience, to alter the circumstances we have been living with, we ourselves must change. And it really is not a matter of “must,” as it is a matter of “can” and “I have the opportunity and the capability to change!” Knowing that when we change, all else changes with us. Our circumstance change, those around us change. Period.
Now, the ultimate change is to go from reacting to that which is all around us…to waking up to the fact that each one of us can own our own respective worlds… worlds that we are in fact creating, choice by choice, behavior upon behavior. And, in waking up and taking ownership of our world, we end up creating a world altogether different and more pleasurable and rewarding than the world we have lived in up to this point.
Is this what you truly desire? There is a litmus test for differentiating what you truly desire vs. what you just say you desire. (More on that in another coaching letter.) For now, take a moment or two to get a feel for and envision what your life would evolve into as you learn to own your world. Very few human beings will get themselves to the level I am speaking about. Will you? Tiger Woods decided sometime back that he was going to own the world of golf, to make it his world. A few others have done the same. Now, Tiger Woods did not get there by himself. He has been quite outspoken about the role his coach has played in his taking charge of his game and his world. Perhaps you can do it on your own. After all, isn’t the “game of life” easier to master than the game of golf?!
Chart Your Own Path
If you follow the masses of people, you will end up where the masses end up. Or you can decide to chart your own path, along with like-minded individuals. This way, along the way, you can be your own person, while sharing the joys and challenges of life with others who will support who you are and what you truly desire, as you will have the privilege to do with them. Life is meant to be shared, and we can do that in a manner that enhances all of us, on individual levels and collective levels. A community that reflects shared values and deep respect is a powerful force for the better.
You can continue to listen to those who have learned to make life difficult for themselves, or you can learn from those who are learning just how enjoyable it all can be. You might have some questions on your mind…give me a call. Or you might want to e-mail me and let me know what is on you mind. Give me a call or e-mail me today. You can reach me at 630-355-2111 or at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Coypyright, 2004-2005, Alan Allard